I Quit!

Quitting a job can put you in a remarkable position of power a power comes from the truth. The fear of the ultimate sanction, being fired, redundant there are no impediments to speaking honestly so like Pac-man swallowing the pill for a brief window of time the tables are turned with the ghosts on the run.

If done well it can be an embarrassment for your employer as it was in the case of Journalist Richard Peppiatt’s witty destruction of the Daily Star and his boss Richard Desmond, or even better wiping off a reported figure of between $1 and $2 billion off your erstwhile employers stock value (not to mention any lingering damage to their brand) a la Greg Smith at Goldman Sachs.

I had long had a plan for my resignation. It was to be similarly spectacular. At the end of my shift I’d cheerfully hand my manager, Peggy a sealed envelope inside which would be my notice letter delivering a savage and withering critique of her tenure as chief bully and incompetent.  I would then produce numerous copies of the letter from my bag which I’d hand out to everyone present. Of course I’d be escorted from the building, probably by the towering figure of Big-Al himself, but I’d have gone down in a blaze of glory and enter the annals of call-centre legend.

In the event here is the letter:

Dear Peggy,

I am writing to advise you that I have been successful in gaining employment with (someone else) and will therefore like to offer my resignation.

Unfortunately due to circumstances beyond my control I have only just received final confirmation of a start date, Monday the 14th November, from my new employer and due to the nature of training for my new role I have been told there is very little room for flexibility.

I will therefore like to request that the requirement for a notice period is waived on this occasion. I appreciate that this is far from ideal and offer my apologies for this situation.

I would like to extend my thanks to all at the call centre for their support over the past two years and I also appreciate that though our relationship has at times been difficult you have taken steps to improve this.

I would also like to take this opportunity to wish the business and everyone involved all the very best for the future.

Yours Sincerely

Call guy

For all my grand plans I was just happy to be making my way quietly to the exit. In my defence I did intend my letter to be cold and businesslike whilst being magnanimous and patronizing. However, this subtlety may well have been lost on Peggy.

The Call Centre Currency Converter

Working in a call centre you begin to think of money in an altogether different way. Currency in the call centre measured chiefly in terms of the number of customers you have to speak to. On many occasions I’ve considered the price of something and spluttered out loud incredulously  “I’ve had to speak to over a hundred customers for that!”

In the novel ‘One Night at the Call Centre’ set in a Delhi call centre one of the main characters Vroom reflects;

“This drink is three hundred bucks – it takes me almost a full night of two hundred irritating Americans screaming in my ear to earn it. Then I get this drink. Which is full of ice-cubes anyway.”

Whilst I don’t agree with Vroom’s negative view of Americans or identify with his pessamism (some may disagree on this second point!) I do understand his way of measuring the value of things. It’s a call centre thing.